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Photo by Eric Fischer

A Word About Special Massages

January 19th, 2010

So a gay male friend and I recently decided we wanted to go get massages. We walked into a quite reputable looking place, where the set up was one room with a curtain in the middle so I was on one side and he was on the other. All went well. We both thought the massages were great. A week or so later, he asked if I wanted to go back there and I couldn’t so he went alone. Where he was massaged by the guy who’d previously massaged me. Where said guy gave him a happy ending.

Now maybe you’re all far less naive than I am so this doesn’t surprise a soul but, I mean, are all people — men as well as women — out there who massage (who aren’t working at, say, spas) giving them “to completion”? Is the masseuse gay? When he was massaging me, was he cursing the fact that he wasn’t with my friend? Are women getting special massages, too? Ellen Sussman wrote this really interesting piece about getting one but can I just say how relieved I am that this has never come up for me?

I asked my friend a) if he gave the guy a really good tip and b) if it was awkward when he was leaving. He said he gave the same 20% he always would and that the guy acted perfectly normal.

The John Edwards Situation…

January 14th, 2010

…has gone from bad to worse. First, New York runs this utterly gripping play-by-play of how Edwards transformed from aw-shucks sweetheart into skirt-chasing megalomaniac, all — so the piece implies — because Rielle Hunter (who they make out to sound like she should probably be institutionalized) kept telling him how amazing he was. And what’s the worst thing that can happen to a guy like that? Besides, of course, getting busted? Getting turned down. I’m actually starting to feel sorry for him, and Andrew Young’s book hasn’t even come out yet.

In case Elizabeth is looking for new and creative ways to go Lorena Bobbitt on him (minus, um, the penis slashing), women are coming up with different ways to make him pay all the time.

What’s Annalytical?

January 11th, 2010

News (Off Topic)

January 10th, 2010

So here’s the big news:

I’ve launched an editing business with a partner where we’re going to be helping people who are working on books of their own — either with editing, line notes or just general consultation. Our rates are reasonable (interested parties should submit a sample chapter and word count to info@newyorkwritersalliance.com) and my partner comes with great literary credibility as well as a lot of experience teaching and helping people with their books (several of which have come out). By mid-year, we’ll have launched the New York Writers Alliance Reading Series, which will feature one established writer and two emerging talents from our student base (obviously this is only relevant for people who live in or near NYC — or at least come here). So ADAers, if you’re interested (or know someone who is), check out our website and let me know.

Also, I’m no longer going to be answering questions on Attack of the Show. I’ve loved working on the show and am so grateful to everyone there for having given me a fantastic opportunity to attempt to quell the fear and confusion around the topic of sex. And my work in that field is far from done. I’m currently weighing a few possibilities and you have my word that when I know what my next gig in that department is going to be, you’ll be the first (or second or perhaps third — for sure no later than the fourth) I tell. In the meantime, I’m still answering questions over on annalyticalanswers.

Meanwhile, you’ve got to hand it to these people, not because they went without pants (whateva) but because they did so in this weather. I hope for their sake they were good and liquored up.

If You’re Going to Join a Dating Website for the Beautiful…

January 8th, 2010

…apparently you’re going to have to stay away from those chocolate chip cookies you leave for Santa.*

*You should probably also not know Eric Weis, who sends homemade cookies, chocolate peanut butter and other delicacies*

The members of BeautifulPeople.com had to learn this the hard way, as over 5,000 of them were kicked off for not being beautiful enough anymore to qualify.

Now, that’s a lot of Christmas cookies.

I sort of just love the notion of this website, which I’d never really heard of before. Let’s put aside the fact that there are people who want to join, not to mention believe they’re worthy. How about the idea that they’re only going to be meeting other people who consider themselves aesthetically perfect? Can you imagine the mutual pomposity going on?

Oh, to be a fly on the wall on one of those dates…

Now hit the gym, tubby BeautifulPeople members!

When You Take These Stories All Together…

January 7th, 2010

A new book is claiming that Warren Beatty slept with almost 13,000 women — a fact that some are disputing. It’s true that reaching this number wouldn’t leave a lot of time for, say, acting in movies, but perhaps he was very efficient about the whole thing because he found what scientists are now saying doesn’t exist. But does it factor in the guilt that makes women believe they’re not turned on? Or did Beatty hitting on you manage to make that disappear?

In unrelated news, going to be on Red Eye tonight!

Some Things

January 4th, 2010

A), Look what Joe did over the holiday break! Joe asking for sex advice

B), An LAist.com story on me pegged to the release of Bought made the year’s list of top 10 most popular posts. Yee-hee! Go click on it lots of times and who knows, maybe it can be in the running for top post of the decade…

C) Happy New Year!

Me Talking Tiger

December 20th, 2009

I realize this is old news but I just discovered a treasure trove of clips on line from CTV, this Canadian network I’ve been going on a lot (apparently it’s like CNN) lately. I never realize how much I talk ad infinitum until I see one of these things. I barely let that newscaster get a word on (also very weird to see her because when you’re shooting these things, you’re usually talking into a video camera and see only that.) Anyway, here I was talking Tiger when only about 15% of the mistresses had come forward:
Talking Tiger

Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew

December 20th, 2009

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(Does this make you want to buy a NEFF hat [whatever that is]? Me neither)

To some, this is a Sunday. To others, it’s a day to marvel at the many feet of snow outside. To me, it’s the sad, sad day when Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew ends. Now, I haven’t written on here about the show that I’ve become completely obsessed with because I figure that it’s gotten a bit redundant for me to say I’m obsessed with a show related to Dr. Drew or addiction. But a piece that Duncan Roy just published on The Daily Beast is too interesting to ignore.

I’ve really liked him on the show, as much as you can “like” a “person” who may well be being edited a certain way. He seems serious about his recovery and loyal to the people he cares about and as fun loving as someone could be in that environment. But I think to come out and rail against Dr. Drew is just inappropriate. Don’t get me wrong — I’m riveted by the information that Kari Ann tested positive for drugs every week and that David Weintraub* was the puppeteer behind all her antics (not to mention the fact that James was being paid to wear certain clothes). But whether Duncan likes Drew or not, he is the reason Duncan is on the new path he’s embracing so wholeheartedly. I say, show a little respect. You got paid and you got a new life. That seems like a pretty distasteful way to show your gratitude.

(Also, this is almost too obvious to even point out but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a doctor who’s helping people with their addiction not believing in God. I know plenty of sober people who don’t believe in God and that’s just fine, too. To each his own.)

*In Reality Matters, the reality show anthology I edited that’s coming out in March, the brilliant John Albert interviews Weinstein for his piece on Sober House. I swear, it’s worth the cost of the book just for this essay.)

Red Eye Hooters Discussion (Thanks, Joe!)

December 20th, 2009

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