RAZOR, September, 2005

Do only gluttons for punishment mix business with pleasure?

By Anna David

There’s an expression that suggests it’s not a good idea to eat and defecate in the same vicinity, and though you’ll never hear me say it (I don’t reference bodily functions with anything resembling ease), I’ve certainly had it said to me enough — usually after I’ve managed to screw up both my personal and professional life in one fell swoop.

Now, we all know that dating someone you work with is generally a bad idea and yet we’ve all done it. Though I’m no mathematician, I can only conclude that the majority of us are experiencing unnecessary amounts of awkwardness and pain that could be avoided if we just kept it in our pants at work. Of course, awkwardness and pain are far preferable to developing a reputation as the office gigolo/hussy or even, in some cases, losing our jobs for lack of professionalism.

As my friend Phil says, “A one-night office hook-up is almost always going to be a disaster and dating someone you’re in any kind of direct work contact with is, too.” So why do we do it? Is it masochism? The fact that hope has a way of springing eternal when we’re in the midst of lust? Or are we merely attempting to satiate a potentially temporary craving?

I certainly didn’t even consider these queries back in my previous life, when I was toiling rather thanklessly as an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter. A script that a writing partner and I had done found its way to a literary agent who liked it and wanted to meet with us. Now, I don’t know if that agent was looking to get laid from the beginning – I’m almost, but not quite, that cynical – or if he truly was, as he told me later, simply drawn to me during that meeting, but I do know that I was extremely flattered when he called me a week later to ask me out.

We all know how this one turns out (seen my name on any blockbusters lately?) but, hey, I’m no hapless victim. Like the legions of other naïve (if I’m being nice) or self-deceptive (if I’m being honest) people that have been in this position before me, I thought Mr. Agent and I could have both a personal and professional relationship (if I’m being nice) and that maybe his interest in me would actually motivate him to try even harder to sell my script (if I’m being honest). And guys, if you think girls are always the ones on bottom in this scenario, just know that I’ve seen plenty of you also end up screwed by this same dynamic.

One of the last times I saw Mr. Agent (our affair had petered out after about a month), he asked me to leave a party with him, even though he was there with a friend of mine. When I refused – and told my friend about his proposition – he convinced her I was lying and then refused to speak to me ever again. (As soon as you land in L.A., some kind soul warns you not to date agents. We the defiant have only ourselves to blame.)